Having spent the last six-weeks hunched over your laptop, wrapped in blankets, and hissing at people who approach you, you may have forgotten how to life. This ‘post-thesis’ guide offers sound advice on how to reintegrate with society and reconnect with yourself.
· Party (This may require friends. Friends are something you used to have before you started your thesis. During your stint as an intellectual hermit, your friends may have scattered and dispersed, but fret not: they should reassemble at the summons of The Conch of Friendship or a group whatsapp.)
· Go outside (Remember outside? It’s that breezy space between your room and the library.)
· Re-read your thesis, you masochistic fool
· Vegetate (Having spent a sustained period of time intellectually intellectualising stuff, you may feel as though you are nothing more than a giant brain balanced on a desk-chair. It may surprise you to discover that encasing your brain is a stringy, lumpy mass known as a ‘body’. It is likely that you have been neglecting this body, thereby making it stringier or lumpier than usual. Stretch, flex, unfurl. Wash, brush, shave.)
· When another human asks ‘Hey, how’s it going?’ do not reply with a word count.
· Stop emailing your tutor. She’s sick of you.
· Remember: people beyond the walls of the ivory pillow-fort of Children’s Literature Studies may not be as interested in the subversion of aetonormative power structures in picturebooks and the state of orphanhood in Young Adult fantasy as we are. Try to vary your conversation topics by referring to the weather, events in popular culture, the weather, mutual acquaintances, and the weather.)
Follow this simple advice and I guarantee that your eye-twitch will subside, your friends will gradually remember who you are, and you’ll stop having nightmares about a Hidden Adult concealed in your wardrobe.
Below is a picture of the author’s SUBMITTED thesis! Good job, Emma Reay!